When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Is Oprah even human
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
