Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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