I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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