You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
