You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
