I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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