Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
