Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
