How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
