Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
