I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
