I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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