Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
