I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
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