hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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