ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
