He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
