you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
