just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
