I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
