I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
