im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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