Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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