oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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