you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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