Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
