Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
