you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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