and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
