I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
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