If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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