That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
