We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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