I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
