Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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