She announced her abortion via fbk
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
