Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
