We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
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