can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize