Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
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