smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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