i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
