I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
