The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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