I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
