she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Randomize
