dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
