Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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