how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
