Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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