Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize