feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
