i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
