alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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