Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
