Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
