The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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