guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
