A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
