We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
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Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
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Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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