There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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