The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I was not drunk enough for that final.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
