Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
