Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Randomize
