my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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