So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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