We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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