I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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