Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
