That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
