Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
