It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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