I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
