How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
