I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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