I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
