Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Randomize
