i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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