I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
cat food counts as protein by the way
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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