dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
my phone needs a breathalizer
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
false alarm, still single
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize