wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
