Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
