Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
They have beer where we have blood.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
