Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
