so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
