if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Randomize
