Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
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Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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