Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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