At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
It's never too late to be topless.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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