the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
