Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
